i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
