I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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