If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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