discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
