i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
