when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
