I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
