Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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