I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
