i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
