I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
