on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
