I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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