enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
