I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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