Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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