i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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