Please, let me fuck your mom
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
