My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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