He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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