dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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