I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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