Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
