Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
