we have officially lost it.
i think i have two assholes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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