I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
