I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
