Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
