Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
