i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
