she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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