i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
