Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
