I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
