Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
