I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will pee on everything he values.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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