She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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