I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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