Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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