are you still at the devil's house?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
