I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
