New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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