so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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