ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she looked like the before picture.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize