Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize