I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
