Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
