I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
