Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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