arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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