i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
