"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
