just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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