Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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