I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
