So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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