Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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