can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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