weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
