you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
